They Never Met
An occasional series


Bill Hicks
v
Berkshire

BILL:
It's beezelbozo time.

BERKSHIRE:
Are you a gypsy?





Josh at the Burger Bar
The Sperm
Watch that man Sergeant

Extract from ‘The Sperm’

EXT/NIGHT - A DOORSTEP. WILL IS HOPPING ON ONE LEG. HE IS WEARING A LONG WOOL HAT THAT DRAPES OVER ONE SHOULDER

WENDY: Hello.

WILL: Let me in.

WENDY: What?

WILL: Let me in. I’m a sperm and it’s my job.

WENDY: Have you got any ID?

WILL: I’m a sperm not a Meter Reader. Let me in.
5 Coats
Green Hands
The Railway Station

Extract from ‘5 Coats’

They enter the space and pause for a beat in mid-stride. They continue walking around the space and the audience, again they return to the space, side on to the audience. They all step over an imaginary object.
They pause for two beats. They take one step. They pause for a beat.

DAVIDE:
Uno, dumbo, fellito


Super Glue
 

Extract from ‘Super Glue’

Used tea bag
Broken wine glass.
Dog ends and cigarette ash.
Contents of a Hoover bag.
Banana skin
Yesterday’s newspaper.
Sorry.
I’m talking rubbish.