They Never Met
An occasional series

Peter Cook
v
Lanky Git, ex 11 O'Clock Show

GIT:
I'm a TV presenter.

PETER:
Neither am I.





I Scent

Extract from 'I Scent'

ROB:
Why am I talking to myself when I have the angel?
I was five and alone, my mother was away at my Aunt Serena. Dad was at work in the fields and I was alone. I had Boris the bear. I had the Superman versus The Cruncher comic. I had biscuits. My sister was chatting to her friends and I was alone. Then I found the angel. He wasn't a real angel. No he was a friend.
DreamDrill

Extract from 'DreamDrill'

BIBS:
I need to smoke.

JONO:
You need to burst into flames.

BIBS:
Don't get excited - you'll be ill.

JONO:
Do you remember the time you ran out of cigarettes and had to smoke those sandalwood incense sticks?

BIBS:
Made me cough

JONO:
Made me mellow.
The Italian job, with an Italian

Extract from 'The Italian Job, with an Italian'

ANGELO:
Hang on lads. I've got an idea.

GABBY:
And the idea is?

ANGELO:[HE DOESN'T HAVE AN IDEA]
Well we wait. We wait. We wait until we have another idea.

GABBY:
You just said you had an idea.

ANGELO:
I'm still having it. We wait.

GABBY:
We wait until the fuel runs out.