They Never Met
An occasional series

Private Fraser
The Conservative Party

We're doomed!

We know.

Interview with writer Jim Kinloch conducted by DreamDrill's resident editor, Agent Scar.

So Mr Kinloch. What was the secret of your failure?  
  Daydreaming and chocolate.
Very funny. Why were you known as 'Comedy Writer in Waiting?'  
  I made it up.
You seem to make everything up. Looking at your record you have conducted a life of indolence, interspersed with cooking.  
I have the summary of your early years, 'Brought up by alcoholics in the home counties, Your mother was originally a Minesweeper and launched on the Clyde in 1942 she spent her early years transporting whiskey and ginger ale to Murmansk. While your father was formed when a lorry containing marshmallow slurry collided with a large feather cushion.  
  All true.
You have a talent for truth?  
But it wasn't always like that was it <PURR> Jim? </PURR>  
  What do you mean?
You were once a very active person. I'll read further from your report. 'Enjoyed playing rugby, trained in physical theatre, performed his own work as a stand up and theatre performer.' What happened <PURR> Jim </PURR>?  
  Mortgage, bills, need for security.
But it all changed in early 2005. Didn't it? You started sending your words to competitions and open script calls, and agents and producers. DON'T LIE TO ME <HISS> MR KINLOCH </HISS>!  
  I don't know what you mean.
Here in black and white. You were chosen, one of sixty, for the Shoot The Writers competition on ITV1 and you were in the top one percent of the BBC3 Last Laugh Competition. It says here 'graded 1 [meaning it was] of such a high standard that ...with just a little work and editing, [it could] be performed for television.'  
  OK There were times when things worked for me.
Finally we get somewhere. Tell me about DreamDrill.  
  It's a company of comedy performers.
[SLIGHTLY FEARFUL] It still exists?  
  Wherever there is evil, stupidity, or BMW drivers.
[STARTS LICKING HIMSELF] I see. They were...  
  They are a multi-talented troupe of good people who exist with music, laughter, idiocy, respect, and a I'M SPARTACUS' vibe. And they're coming this way.
<HISS> NO! </HISS>  
  Isn't good theatre about ending stupidity?
How would I know? I'm a cat.  

Find out more about the writer here